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Re: The Jewish Woman Shortage

Posted by SilverFox on Tue Jun 20 23:19:18 2006, in response to Re: The Jewish Woman Shortage, posted by Howard Fein on Tue Jun 20 13:38:30 2006.


I'm about as nonreligious as they come, but felt compelled to date Jewish women because my parents (equally nonreligious) stated if I took up with a non-Jew, they would have nothing to do with her- or me.


AHA! Here is the crux of the problem!!! My mother said many years ago she would sit shiva (mourn over me as if I had died) for me if I married a shiksa (which is actually a very derogatory way of saying "Non-Jewish woman," along the lines of the N-word for blacks. "Shaygets" is the equivalent for a non-Jewish man). My Dad had similar, yet less inflammatory sentiments. And what gives them the right to dictate that??? Like my marrying a Jew will bring back the six million Jews who died in the Holocaust and give our culture one less thing to whine about; and marrying a non-Jew will help finish Hitler's job.

Especially since an overwhelming majority of the non-Orthodox MOTs fit into my negative stereotypes as well as these winners: the chain smokers; the C.T.s; the gold-diggers; the 250-pounders wearing a Size 8; the manic-depressives; the total airheads; those who are perpetually "between jobs"; those that complain about their ex-boyfriends to you; the trick question trap-setters ("If we had sex right now, would you use a condom?"); the nitpickers; the biological clock-watchers who only want to meet a man as a means of having a baby; or any combination of these- many of them also fitting the descriptions you've [c]ited above. [you forgot JAPs, but it seems more than amply covered as an omnibus description of all of the above]

It's [nice] to know that there still are others in my predicament. For a second I thought I was the last. Now, I don't think I am crazy anymore.

A Lubavitcher rabbi I knew in college said words to the effect of, "It is not prejudiced for a Jew to want to marry a Jew if it is for purposes of perpetuating the faith, religion, tradition, and culture. The only time it is considered prejudiced is if the person demanding it isn't religious or close to the faith themselves."

To complicate matters, many Orthodox Jews consider me a "Shaygets" for not being religious. If they have disdain for me and my ways, why should I have respect for theirs?

And as I've mentioned in the lead post of the thread, based specifically on the rabbi's quote, I find it hypocritical on so many levels for non-religious families to demand anything of the sort from their nubile children.

However, as has been mentioned by someone above, in my nearly seven-year relationship with my Catholic (now ex) Girlfriend, holiday times were especially stressful for the exact reasons cited; and we didn't have children to worry about. The holidays were conflicting, with opposite aims and celebratory styles; and neither of us wanted to, or had any real obligation to, dilute them to suit the other's sensibility. They were time spent alone in our respective camps rather than together enjoying each other's company.

I can't imagine the rings-around-the-rosey families with children do at the holidays, and how they force themselves to tolerate the contortions and truncations.

The philosophical questions I have are: Is "love" worth the risk of such stress, strain, and alienation of many people in two families? Are we so above (in the case of Judaism) over 5,000 years of heritage to change its course for our family over our selfish freedoms? Is it all just a crock of shit and everybody from all religions, races, nationalities, et al should miscegenate randomly and without regard to pedigree? Or do dog and horse and other animal breeders have it right -- that it is good for the species to maintain pedigrees to the maximum extent possible, creating mixes under controlled conditions?

It's THESE kinds of questions that fill my mind to the point of frustration over not being able to answer them adequately enough to do the right thing for myself, much less my prospective bride, and our families.

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