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| Re: Overhead pic Re: Metro North Incident (1223239) | |||
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Re: Overhead pic Re: Metro North Incident |
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Posted by SelkirkTMO on Sat May 18 22:30:09 2013, in response to Re: Overhead pic Re: Metro North Incident, posted by Broadway Lion on Sat May 18 22:08:29 2013.  C: I wish to complain about this lion you sold me. O: Oh? What's wrong with it? C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. C: Look, matey, I know a dead lion when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable lion, the Panthera Felidae, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coat! C: The coat don't enter into it. It's stone dead. O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting! C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Panthera! Mister Felidae! I've got a lovely fresh hamburger for you if you show...(owner hits the cage) O: There, he moved! C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage! O: I never!! C: Yes, you did! O: I never, never did anything... C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO KITTY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Takes lion out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.) C: Now that's what I call a dead lion. O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned! C: STUNNED?!? O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Panthera Felidaes stun easily, major. C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That lion is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged pacing up and down the rocks. O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home? O: The Panthera Felidae prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable cat, id'nit, squire? Lovely fur! C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that lion when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been standing in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. C: Mate, this lion wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised! O: No no! 'E's pining! C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This lion is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the cage 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-LION!! (pause) O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. |
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